When I ask people have they had people talk negatively to them, almost always they say yes. I then ask, have they had people Bully them with words and put downs and most will still say yes. I ask them what they think should happen to this person and they all think they should be punished, even hurt. They feel offended by this persons behavior and some people have a hard time letting go. Even though words make up about 7% of our communication they can have a lasting effect positively or negatively.
Now the next question I ask is, who do they speak to most of the time and they are surprised to know that actually the person who speaks to them the most is themselves. So maybe you are thinking I don’t talk to myself – there you go talking to yourself.
It is right now I make my point, and that is to say, the words we say to our-self, about our-self when we are by our-self are some of the most powerful words to occupy our mental real estate. The fact is we are more likely to say far more negative and hurtful things to our-self than any bully will ever do. I’m not good enough, I can’t do that, I’m not fast enough, I’m not pretty/ handsome enough, tall enough, smart enough etc. You get the picture. That’s like a bully saying your a loser, slow poke, ugly, fat, four eyes, dumb. If this person said these things then we would want to hunt them down and excommunicate them, but we are more likely to do it more than them. I think its just easier to put the blame with others rather than consciously make a plan to have a positive conversation with ourselves.
The power of what we say to ourselves is amazing. I usually do a demonstration using Kinesiological muscle testing technique. I have a student place their arm out straight, I say that I am going to push their arm down, they are allowed to resist but they are not competing with me. Now I get them to make a positive thought, I ask if they are ready and when they say yes, I apply downward pressure to their extended arm and it is always rock solid. Because I have leverage on my side it will dip a little. Having shown the power of a positive thought I do the same thing only this time I get them to make a negative thought. To their great surprise and despite their resisting me, their arm falls away with only a third of the strength. It doesn’t matter how strong they are, the negative thought always weakens them relative to their positive test. Then I will get them to find the positive thought again and hey presto, they are strong again. This same thing applies to thinking and recall. I explain it like this: the negative thought puts a fog through our mind, clouding our knowledge and making it hard to recall not unlike the effects of stress. I think we have all had those times where we have gone into a test knowing things, drawing a blank in the test and having an ah ha moment when we get out but all to late for the test. Physically, you can see the negative thought in action through slumped body posture, inattention and dull eyes.
So the great news is that we can bring ourselves back to strong just with a positive thought. We don’t have to be positive about what we are doing, we just need to bring a positive thought to our mind that out ways the negative feelings we have around the thing that we don’t like. You might not like ironing but thinking about your holiday to Hawaii might get you through, if that’s what makes you feel good.
To keep you on track, this is where affirmations fit in. They are positive self statements that describe your positive future right now. For example: I am light and fast, I enter tasks with ease, I love the feeling of power in my legs etc. I have arthritis in my knee so this might be the kind of affirmation I might have. The pain hasn’t gone but my relationship with it is changing especially if I say this a lot. People might think it phony and unrealistic but what is my alternative – to affirm my pain and give it more power over my life. Done that, and all it leads to is more pain, inactivity, self pity and maybe even depression. Not the way I want to live my life.
An even better way of doing this is to make a 1 minute positive pitch to yourself. Pretend you are complimenting yourself. It might look like this.
Allan you are an amazing father and husband, you bring peace and stability to our home. Allan you are a great provider who works hard to support your family. Allan your life is important because the work you do is helping thousands of people to reach their full potential. Your work helps families and your employees who need what you have provided for their own survival. Allan, you are wealthy, your thoughts of abundance see no lack but the amazing potential of all situations to bring more and more fulfillment to your life and the lives around you. Allan be bold in this moment, take the chances that reflect your potential and take those around you with you so that they may feel their own abundance. Allan you are supported by your amazing family and friends whose love is always.
So some of you might think I need a little counselling and maybe I do but trust me it is so much easier to do the opposite. Negativity takes very little effort and it has many friends. I am not necessarily saying all of this is true but by taking 3 or 4 of my strengths and putting together an affirmation of my life like this, then reading it multiple times especially when I am moving towards uncomfortable situations, I am going to have a way better chance of facing the odds.
I encourage parents and their children to write these statements. I must admit it is hard to write it about yourself but maybe ask those close to you what they think are your strengths and put them in your statements. Remember what we said before, some of the most powerful statements that are ever said are the things you say to yourself , about yourself when you are by yourself.
So live a life on purpose and create the new script for how you see yourself in this life.
Try positive affirmations, I promise you won’t be disappointed.