We recently e explored “funny word blocks” to help students find a way to bridge conflict and bullying. This isn’t avoiding conflict but taking the opportunity to move past useless and un-resourceful conversations or comments without anger.

Some things are just not worth getting involved in but in the middle of bullying or abuse we must feel like we have some power. Because most people lack a plan of action they are constantly feeling victimized or overwhelmed.

By the way, it is nice if our plan works but even if it doesn’t, the fact that we were engaged in one will help us rationalise this poor behaviour.

As parents we can spend too much time trying to convince our children to do what we want them to do, so we end up in a useless and un-resourceful conversations with them.

Quite often we are trying to have a rational conversation with an emotional professional (child). Emotion will always win out over reason because the emotional professional can make an argument, devoid of facts, go round and round and usually end up with heart hurting comments that lead to anger or guilt.

Parents can use these skills:

• Learning to bridge conversations like these is an important parenting skill that can bring stability to a home.
• Remember children only know what they want (emotion) and very rarely recognise what they need.
• Find something in the argument to agree on (common ground) and then redirect
• Stay calm – talk calm and reinforce your expectations

I speak to so many parents that find themselves in this situation especially those with teens.

[btx_quote author=”– Allan Waddell” style=”block” position=”center”]If you consistently give in to a teenager’s emotional blackmail over their wants you will eventually have to deal with a mean, self absorbed sponge that will cause a black hole in your house.[/btx_quote]

Sound dramatic – wish it wasn’t true – but all too often this becomes a families reality.

Luckily over the next few weeks I will, through this (anti) bullying programme, give parents some tools that can help the family dynamic.

For example over the last few weeks we have examined how to keep our anger in check by firstly knowing what sets us off, learning to not show emotion during stress through the Asian philosophy of “Mushin”. We have learnt to have bridging statements like “thanks for noticing”, “I can see what your saying”, “I can tell you feel strongly”,  and last week we added on funny word blocks.

This week we are going to deal with “Tactical Apologies”. Sometimes the reason people are in conflict with us is because we actually created the problem. So in this case we have to apologise.

As parents, being all knowing, we can find ourselves in a situation where we faked our knowledge a little too much and led the team astray.
Or we, in the best interest of the family, made a promise of epic and exciting proportions but now in the cool light of reality we find we cannot supply.

Sometimes we feel like defending our good intentions (ego) and unfortunately end down a path with the emotional professional (child) and find ourselves having the mother of all un-resourceful conversations i.e. an argument with no ending.

This week I will be telling the students that I have witnessed, and you probably have too, a situation where a person had made a massive mistake worthy of the sack but through the way they handled their apology, they eventually were promoted to management. This week’s sheet has that formula.

As an adult we can use it as well, as a way of cooling situations that we may have had a hand in creating and we can be great role models by showing strength of character when ”fessing up”.