Saying Yes to everything your child wants will not make them happy

Are you a person that can’t say” no” to your child or are you one that always says “no”. In Jujitsu we teach to go with effort, to give way. But not to give in.

I found saying no to the emotional professional gave them some good ground to start being emotional, especially if they liked their own idea.

An idea I came up with was to say yes. So I can hear you saying that I’ve given in but no I haven’t. There are better ways to say No. For example if my son asked me if we could go to movie world. I might answer that I would love to and that it was a great Idea. Then I would qualify that by saying OK let’s sit down and work out what it’s going to take. We are going to need this money and this much time and we have all these commitments to finish first and how was he going to contribute to that. Then if all that didn’t sound too much we would make a plan with all the other people involved.

Same as if they want to go to the skate park just before dinner – a reasonable request as far as they are concerned, as there is still 15 minutes to go before dinner. You might say that you are glad they were interested in exercise and you thought that was a great idea and that you would love them to go. Then you give them the reality check… however… it’s a little too close to dinner and we have a curfew Blah, Blah, Blah.

Seeing as how we can’t do it now let’s make a plan for another time. While you have some leverage, you may as well link it to some things you need done or some school work that needs finishing off. Doing this isn’t mean or giving false hope. Quite the opposite. It allows your child to feel heard and that their ideas are cool with you. This process also allows your child to realise that some things need planning and resources and that they can be part of understanding that. This will allow them to develop realistic expectations over time which will lead them to being more productive in the family unit.

Saying Yes to everything your child wants will not make them happy and saying No all the time will turn them off asking and maybe generate some resistance to your ideas. Remember as a parent we need to learn to” give way not give in”.